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Showing posts with label #remote. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #remote. Show all posts

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder








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A A A D D
'Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder'
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"...Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long..."

  T his is how it manifests:
  I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

  I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

  I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

  I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I notice the Coke is getting warm, and decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

  As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye. They need to be watered. I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

  I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we want to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

  I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

  At the end of the day the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, the trash hasn't been taken out, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

  Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

  Do me a favor, will you? Tell everyone about this blog, because I can't remember if I told anybody . . .

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This has been another useless posting from
The EZINE WRITER emagazine!
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Copywight 2015 - Elmer Fudd
All Wights Weserved
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                    |||||| Bradley ||||||
Grand poobah and bathroom attendant.
mailto: EzineWriterOwner@gmail.com
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  KEYWORDS: #Disorder, #manifests, #mail, #trash, #refrigerator, #remote, #checkbook, #problem.

Friday, December 5, 2014

BUYING GIFTS FOR MEN







WELCOME TO
The EZINE WRITER emagazine!
• "Useless as a fireproof match" says Chicago Tribune! •

  We wish you a safe and happy holiday!

I made myself a snowball,
As perfect as could be,
I thought I'd keep it as a pet,
And let it sleep with me.

I made it some pajamas,
And a pillow for its head,
Then last night it ran away,
But first - it wet the bed!



***HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS***

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BUYING GIFTS FOR MEN
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"...Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts..."

  B uying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

   Rule #1:
  When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

   Rule #2:
  If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

   Rule #3:
  If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

   Rule #4:
  Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

   Rule #5:
  You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

   Rule #6:
  Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

   Rule #7:
  Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

    Rule #8:
  Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.

   Rule #9:
  Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. ( NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. )
  It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. ( "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks!" )

   Rule #10:
  Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. (No one knows why) Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

   Rule #11:
  Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

   Rule #12:
  Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

   Rule #13:
  It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

   Rule #14:
  Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.

______________________<>_____________________

This has been another useless posting from
The EZINE WRITER emagazine!
%%%    _________________________________________________________

Copywight 2014 - Elmer Fudd
All Wights Weserved
%%%    _________________________________________________________
_______________________________
                    |||||| Bradley ||||||
Grand poobah and bathroom attendant.
mailto: EzineWriterOwner@gmail.com
________________________________
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
______________________________
|||||||||||| The EZINE WRITER |||||||||||
Designed With Your Mind In Mind
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
 
Get more! Click here for our Facebook page!

  KEYWORDS: #the ezine writer, #cordless, #ratchet, #car, #Jockey, #remote, #canisters, #labels, #assembly, #NAPA, #Ford, #barbecue, #Cowboys, #saw, #wheelbarrow, #rope.