Chrismukkah

---

---

---

---

WELCOME TO The EZINE WRITER emagazine! • "Useless as a fireproof match" says Chicago Tribune! •   We wish you a safe and happy holiday! I made myself a snowball, As perfect as could be, I thought I'd keep it as a pet, And let it sleep with me. I made it some pajamas, And a pillow for its head, Then last night it ran away, But first - it wet the bed! ***HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS*** • T h e  E Z I N E  W R I T E R • D E S I G N E D  W I T H  Y O U R  M I N D  I N  M I N D <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> |||||||||||| The EZINE WRITER ||||||||||| <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> C H R I S M U K K A H _____________________-«{}»-_____________________ "...it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge..."   C ontinuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.   While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukkah, as the new holiday is being called.   Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.   Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.   One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.   A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful." ______________________<>_____________________ This has been another useless posting from The EZINE WRITER emagazine! %%%    _________________________________________________________ Copywight 2014 - Elmer Fudd All Wights Weserved %%%    _________________________________________________________ _______________________________                     |||||| Bradley |||||| Grand poobah and bathroom attendant. mailto: EzineWriterOwner@gmail.com ________________________________ <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ______________________________ |||||||||||| The EZINE WRITER ||||||||||| Designed With Your Mind In Mind <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   Get more! Click here for our Facebook page!   KEYWORDS: the ezine writer, acquisitions, press, Christmas, Hanukkah, layoffs, agreement, merchandising, Oreos, Kwanza, conference.

'Twas The Day After Christmas

---

---

---

---

WELCOME TO The EZINE WRITER emagazine! • "Useless as a fireproof match" says Chicago Tribune! •   We wish you a safe and happy holiday! I made myself a snowball, As perfect as could be, I thought I'd keep it as a pet, And let it sleep with me. I made it some pajamas, And a pillow for its head, Then last night it ran away, But first - it wet the bed! ***HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS*** • T h e  E Z I N E  W R I T E R • D E S I G N E D  W I T H  Y O U R  M I N D  I N  M I N D <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> |||||||||||| The EZINE WRITER ||||||||||| <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 'Twas The Day After Christmas ( The Bills Have Come Due ) _____________________-«{}»-_____________________ "...As you can see," I said with a smile, "It's bankruptcy now that I'll have to file!..."   'T was the day after Christmas and all through the house, Children sat slack-jawed, bored on the couch. Wrappings and toys littered the floor, An incredible mess that I did abhor. With Mom in her robe and I in my jeans, We waded in to get the place clean. When suddenly the doorbell: it started to clatter, I sprang to the Security-View to check out the matter. The new-fallen snow, now blackened with soot, Was trampled and icy and treacherous to foot. But suddenly in view, did I gasp and pant: An unhappy bill collector and eight tiny accountants. The door flew open and in they came, Stern-looking men with bills in my name. On Discover, on Visa, on American Express, On Mastercard too, I sadly confess, Right to my limits, then beyond my net worth, OUer the top I had charged, in a frenzy of mirth. The black-suited men, so somber, so strict, I wondered why me that they had first picked. They stared at me with a look I couldn't miss, That said "Buddy, when are you for paying for this?" I shrugged my shoulders, but then I grew bolder, Went to the cabinet and pulled out a folder. "As you can see," I said with a smile, "It's bankruptcy now that I'll have to file!" And with a swoop of my arm, my middle digit extended I threw the bills in the fire: the matter had ended. The scent of burnt ash came to my nose, As up the chimney my credit-worthiness rose. Without another word they turned and walked out, Got into their limos, but one gave a shout: "You may think that's the answer to all of your fears, But it's nothing you'll charge for at least seven years! ______________________<>_____________________ This has been another useless posting from The EZINE WRITER emagazine! %%%    _________________________________________________________ Copywight 2014 - Elmer Fudd All Wights Weserved %%%    _________________________________________________________ _______________________________                     |||||| Bradley |||||| Grand poobah and bathroom attendant. mailto: EzineWriterOwner@gmail.com ________________________________ <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ______________________________ |||||||||||| The EZINE WRITER ||||||||||| Designed With Your Mind In Mind <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   Get more! Click here for our Facebook page!   KEYWORDS: the ezine writer, Christmas, Wrappings, jeans, Security, trampled, Stern, paying, bankruptcy, limos.