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A Halloween Safety Public Service Announcement
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"...Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws,
staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives..."
A
s we all prepare for Halloween, please take a few
minutes to read some simple rules to help keep everyone safe.
1. - Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
2. - When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see
if it's really dead.
3. - Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
4. - Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out!
5. - If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief
in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them,
so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's
voice.
6. - When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone.
7. - Don't have sex. Especially if you've noticed a few of your friends
are missing!
8. - As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
9. - Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
apply to any other house of the dead as well.
10. - If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find
out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with relief, GET THE
HELL OUT!
11. - If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short
circuits; JUST GET OUT!
12. - Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
13. - If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
14. - Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
know what you're doing.
15. - If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that,
despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely ambling
along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
16. - If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,
and so on, kill them immediately.
17. - Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in
trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in
Maine.
18. - If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to
the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it
is strange because you thought you had BE of a tank, shoot yourself instead.
You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.
19. - Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws,
staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers,
butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from
deceased companions.
20. - If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the
time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous
inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible
fashion, or had inhabitants who performed
satanic practices in your house.
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This has been another useless posting from
The EZINE WRITER emagazine!
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Copywight 2014 - Elmer Fudd
All Wights Weserved
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_______________________________
|||||| Bradley ||||||
Grand poobah and bathroom attendant.
mailto: EzineWriterOwner@gmail.com
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KEYWORDS: the ezine writer, humor, memes, funny pics, Public Service Announcement, Halloween, monster, friends, grave, tomb, crypt, appliances, Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, car, tank, chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws.
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