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THE RULES FOR CALLING SHOTGUN
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"...If two people call "shotgun" at the same time, a fistfight will determine the ultimate winner, unless the contestants are girls..."
I
f there are to be two or more passengers when traveling by automobile, one must call out "shotgun" in order to secure for him/ herself the right-front passenger seat. This seat is obviously the most desirable. It offers such advantages as:
* more leg room
* own personal vanity mirror
* ease of egress and ingress
* social prestige
* panoramic view
* air-bag safety feature
* better aim for throwing beer bottles at stop signs
* rapid exit in case of beer-retainment reversal
Historically, the shotgun position originated during the days of the horse-drawn wagon. Since the driver had to handle the reins, another person with a shotgun was needed next to him/her to fend off attacks from bandits, outlaws, and galloping Amway salesmen.
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The Rules
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1. Even if the other passenger is your grandmother with a broken leg, if she does not call "shotgun" first, her butt is going into the back seat.
2. If two people call "shotgun" at the same time, a fistfight will determine the ultimate winner, unless the contestants are girls. In that case, the trip is put off while the men get to watch them fight. A "pout-off" can be held instead.
3. If the trip is interrupted for over 4 minutes, ( for fuel or potty stops, etc. ), the "shotgun" passenger loses all of his/her rights, and open season on the coveted position begins again.
4. A "shotgun" winner must expect and be willing to put up with a large portion of physical harassment from the backseat "shotgun" loser. Scratching, hair pulling, and attempts at strangulation are all fully legal and come with the territory.
5. Pre-"shotgun" calling is strictly prohibited and punishable by worse that what you get for pulling the tag off a mattress.
6. A "shotgun" call from a 265-pound linebacker automatically cancels out a "shotgun" call from anybody else.
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The EZINE WRITER emagazine!
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Copywight 2014 - Elmer Fudd
All Wights Weserved
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Grand poobah and bathroom attendant.
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KEYWORDS: #Historically, #wagon, #outlaws, #shotgun, #harassment, #linebacker.
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