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The Homeowner's Guide to Basic Tools
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"...Chainsaw: Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself..."
H
ammer: In ancient times, a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.
• Screwdriver: The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.
• Phillips Screwdriver: The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over ,000. Contains twice the vodka.
• Pliers: A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
• Multi-Pliers: Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a toolbelt to increase testosterone levels.
• Electronic Stud Finder: An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.
• Halogen Light: A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.
• Cordless Drill: A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.
• Cordless Telephone: The handyman's 911.
• Air Compressor: A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-law's nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.
• Chainsaw: Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.
• Vise Grips: A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice.
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This has been another useless posting from
The EZINE WRITER emagazine!
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Copywight 2014 - Elmer Fudd
All Wights Weserved
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|||||| Bradley ||||||
Grand poobah and bathroom attendant.
mailto: EzineWriterOwner@gmail.com
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KEYWORDS: the ezine writer, humor, memes, funny pics, hammer, professional, damage, testosterone, stadium, electrocution, nagging, critique.
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